This Love-Lee Life

As I was getting ready for bed, Stephen came in to say goodnight and said something I don’t want to ever forget. Unfortunately, I’m so tired and out of it that I can’t remember the exact wording but I remember his gentle smile as he spoke. “Thank you for being here for this chapter of the journey”. I smiled back and said “I wouldn’t be anywhere else. I hate being miserable but I love being miserable with you”. And it’s true. It’s 2:39am. I have a big day ahead of me. I should be sleeping. But the hotel room is too small and humid. There’s only one bed and a couch. It’s a miserable setup and I can feel a headache coming on. Yet when I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror a moment ago, I realized I actually felt…stronger.

I think there comes a point after life has kicked you so many times that you end up realizing the kicks don’t even hurt anymore. They’re just annoying. Or maybe you just realize you’re stronger than you were giving yourself credit for. You were just tired. You just need sleep. Or maybe more than sleep, you just need some quiet time to yourself to process. Or maybe all you needed was a good hot meal.

This move has been rough. Stephen and I have had plenty of rough moves but this one made me realize so many things at once. Every time something went wrong, I ranted and raged but I couldn’t cry–nothing more than a couple of tears and a trembling voice out of frustration. Looking at myself in the mirror a moment ago, I didn’t think “Wow! It’s such a relief that it’s almost over” because I know that the stress, the frustration, and the problems are probably not over. Looking at myself in the mirror, I simply felt sure that I’m going to be okay. That Stephen and I can handle whatever life throws at us. And honestly, Stephen and I really have been through so much worse.

I can smile because while I am miserable, I am not alone. I’ve got my family with me and that’s how I know I’m going to be okay.

Rachel, you’ve got this. Oh. And happy birthday!